Age is NOT just a number! The art of unapologetic ageing and is it possible to slowly but deliberately change the perception of getting old in our society

Most of the time unapologetic ageing is defined by the phrase: Age is only a number that is not supposed to limit you or your dreams. To some extent I agree. Age is not an excuse for not chasing your dreams or not getting what you want. And yet, I feel there is a dose of denial in that statement, more rules, more of trying to prove yourself to others, a pressure to age in a certain way, to look younger, to be stronger, tougher or cooler, while pretending you are not your age. 

When I think of unapologetic ageing, I think of accepting that growing old is part of life. It is inevitable. It comes with some benefits but also pitfalls. 

I think of unapologetic ageing as becoming more compassionate and less critical or judgemental of yourself (and believe me I am learning this art every day as I grow old). It also means making adjustments in your lifestyle and not expecting from yourself to do the things you did when you were 20, have the same amounts of energy to be around other people or running a marathon once a week. 

Own the fact that you are ageing. Educate yourself about the changes that come with ageing

At the same time, unapologetic ageing for me means unapologetic love and unapologetic self-care. It means that you are fully aware about the changes happening in your physical body and the brain, such as shorter telomeres, decline in mitochondrial function, hence less energy on a cellular level, decrease in muscle tissues and decreased bone density, insulin resistance and hormonal changes, as well as becoming more prone to stress and the feeling of overwhelm . 

The point is that unapologetic ageing means setting your priorities straight without excuses and stop feeling guilty about scheduling time for yourself in your crazy busy life. Because as we age, we need extra care to support those internal processes in our bodies, so they don’t sabotage us at some point in life.

Unapologetic Ageing = Prioritise yourself

Unapologetic ageing is when you stop apologising for having a hard day, for being tired, for missing an appointment, for not running that marathon, for not understanding the world or technology any more. It is when you make decisions without having to explain yourself, but simply trusting the wisdom of your own body and your inner compass. Without having to prove yourself to anybody. 

A while back I wrote an article about Ageing with Grace. Now I want to explore more the topic of ageing, first because I am curious and I disagree with the way ageing is portrayed in our society. Second because I want to see a different way into our future. I also want to inspire women to be curious, to be open minded and to start taking better care of themselves, to question medical practitioners, to look for second and third opinion and not trust every piece of information on the internet. 

Age is both a chronological and biological number and sometimes these two don’t match. Some of us are very privileged with good genetics and have the sources to work on ourselves from early age, which means we may end up in a great shape and looking a lot younger than we really are. Others may not be that lucky. 

Getting old is a real thing and you better wake up to the idea that you are growing old, that it is time to make some adjustments, to start taking better care of yourself and acknowledge the fact that you are ageing. Accepting and owning that fact for me means unapologetic ageing. 

AGEING IS NOT ONLY A PHYSICAL PROCESS! WOMEN NEED THE WISDOM, THE MAGIC AND INSPIRATION, FROM OTHER WOMEN, SO THEY ARE GIVEN THE PERMISSION TO MAKE A LIFE OF THIER OWN RULES.

On my quest for more perspective and self-acceptance in the process of ageing, I am looking for authentic and honest role models, who can show what true age actually looks like, without masking it, without pretending, without regrets. I am looking for women, who don’t sugarcoat old age, who feel truly fulfilled and blessed to grow old, who I have met in person and who walk the talk. So here is the Mums in Heels first chapter with three absolutely fabulous role models, who I hope will inspire you to meet your 40s without fear, to get ready for a truly fulfilling experience at any age.

“I like where I am. I won’t let anyone limit me with my age”

A comedian, an actress and moderator, Tamara Cantieni has her own solo comedy program “Bad Influencer”, written by herself. She plays regularly at the Hamburg theatre and in Cologne.

After graduating the Zurich Drama Academy, called today University of Arts, Tamara started playing as freelancer actress, then became a radio presenter and in 2008 returned to the stage alongside Beat Schlatter at the Theater am Hechtplatz. At the same time she started a successful online blog (Blonderblog, More than blond), moderated events and remained loyal to the radio (Radio1). In addition, she was regularly seen in German-speaking Switzerland every week on the women’s talk show “Boser und Böser”. ​ ​

Tamara has two kids and is still enjoying a thriving career. For me she is the perfect epytome of unapologetic ageing.

Tsitaliya: How old are you and how old do you feel? 

Tamara Cantieni: I am 48, and I feel great! I can’t express my feeling in a number. I feel great in my skin, I do what I love, I’m full of energy. My children are the ones who remind me of time, how time flies. They are 18 and 16, and with these almost grown-up fantastic human beeings, I see the beauty of youth, that has definitely nothing to do with me anymore. And I’m very fine with that.

Because I like where I am. I won’t let anyone limit me with my age. I do what I want to do. I don’t care about any rules concerning age, because they don’t exist except in some people’s minds.

Tsitaliya: What’s your secret to moving unapologetically through time and with such positive vibe around you? Have you always been like that?

Tamara Cantieni:  I WANT to create positive vibes around me, so I really think this is a mindset. I WANT to see the beauty in people and things around me. I’m looking for harmony and beauty. Difficulties in life are here to challenge you. So I always try to find a reason for it, a leaning curve or something that is positive.

Tsitaliya: How do you get through a hard day?

Tamara: I take it one step at a time. One step is always easy. And if I’m in a bad mood, I love to watch funny stuff on youtube. Once you started laughing, everything changes.

Tsitaliya: What makes you feel good at the moment? 

Tamara: I love being surrounded by my family and friends. But most of all, I love to be around animals. They make my feel happy and calm me down. I have two cats and I’m doing horseriding at least twice a week. Being out in the forest only with the horse fills me deeply with joy and satisfaction.

Tsitaliya: How do you imagine yourself in 30 years time?

Tamara: I see myself hopefully as a healthy crazy lady, still positive and unstoppable, loving life, loving people. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want. I’m loud. I have always been. Loud with my voice, loud with the way I’m dressed. I like that and I’m going to keep that, for another 30 years and more.

Carmen Meier Viva became a model in her 60s. She became an international model who stands for body positivity, natural beauty and confidence at any age. Born in Graubünden, Carmen is very passionate about art, she likes to swim in the lake even on a cold day and of course she loves standing in front of the camera, being a true symbol of unapologetic ageing. She lives with her husband for 37 years in her minimalistic dream-like house in Uerikon.

Tsitaliya: How old are you and how old do you feel?

Carmen Meier Viva: At 71 I don’t believe in the illusion of eternal youth. I stand by my age, my looks, my body. I have an incredible amount of energy and I want to be a role model for my generation. I am good like that….., exactly like that!

Tsitaliya: What’s your secret to moving unapologetically through time?

Carmen: The secret is in the mindset and attitude. Face the daily challenges with self-confidence and self-assurance, calmly and with positive mindset. Have your own style and don’t follow the mainstream. Enjoy what you are doing right now. Think of solutions. not problems.

Tsitaliya: How do you deal with a hard day?

Carmen: Because I love my job and I do it with passion, I can always look forward to a successful day.

Tsitaliya: What makes you feel good at the moment?

Carmen: The curiosity about what the day will bring me and the joy of discovering and perceiving what is new in nature, fashion, art and design. But also the recognition and the positive reactions to my work.

Tsitaliya: What message do you have to your younger self?

Carmen: Live with more ease, face daily challenges positively and calmly. Let’s go!

“Being old is really a new kind of life”

Catherine Tisseuil is a jewellery designer, transforming silver objects and antique pieces into original, poetic and unique statement jewellery pieces. (Some of her work you can find here)

Catherine didn’t dream or plan to become a jewellery designer. In fact she studied political science and philosophy, a pure chance, a job offer took her in a different direction. After working for the Dior House and being taught the very special technique of gouaché jewelry designs by a Cartier draftsman, she worked for another famous jewellery artisan, who’s been collecting and crafting the world’s rarest gems since the 1950s, Alexander Reza in Paris.

Thanks to this exclusive experience, she was able to grasp the mysteries of the trade.

While working for the same store, Catherine Tisseuil organized alone, under the name of 16ème Sud, an event entitled “The virtuous circle”, which aimed this time at an up-cycling approach by diverting silver objects left in the cupboards to transform them into jewellery. Thus, with the complicity of her customers, she began to create necklaces with the backs of spoons, or cufflinks from salt and pepper shakers. This innovative idea left its mark on many people and became a very special way of reappropriating one’s heritage in the form of jewelry.

Tsitaliya: How old are you and how old do you feel? 

Catherine Tisseuil: I am 65, my knees and my articulation are telling me I am 80. My brain is telling me: you are free, but I can’t run very fast. If I had more self-discipline my body would be able to do more perhaps. 

The thing is being old is really a new kind of life. Yes it is true, the eyes on you are different, but you feel free from so many things that bothered you before and you are free to express yourself more. And you are more into building things, but that’s because you realise you don’t have much time. You don’t have the feeling you have all your life as you did when you were twenty.  

Tsitaliya: What do you have to say about menopause? 

“Old age is a miracle and you don’t lose anything with time. On the contrary! You build more!”

Catherine: In France there is so mach taboo around the topic of menopause. In the past menopause was considered the end of your life because women’s main purpose was to have children. I had my children because I had the need to be a mother, and I wanted to prove something about myself. 

Nowadays not having children means freedom. And in that sense menopause is freedom, no more anxiety to get pregnant, plus there are no rules any more about what you can do in that age. Today you start a new chapter, a new story after menopause.

Tsitaliya: What surprises you the most about old age? Something you didn’t expect? 

Catherine: First of all, every day is a surprise in old age. Nobody ever told me what to expect from old age, except may be that you have a more discreet life and you quietly go to the end. But nobody told me I can be happy and that I can enjoy having so much love and passion in this age. In our world you still have this feeling that people try to avoid or escape old age…except perhaps Artists. Through their art they are never considered old. 

Tsitaliya: What did your mother told you about old age? 

Catherine: She told me nothing about nothing. We never talked about real life, not about love, not about sex, not about old age. I read a lot and I found my own answers. And you know how life goes…in some mysterious ways the books that contain your answers come your way. 

Tsitaliya: What’s your personal recipe for ageing with positivity and power? 

Catherine: I put my lipstick on and I talk to my friends. Laughing with my friends is the best way to go through a hard day. I am so lucky to have friends from all ages and cultures. This is what keeps you always positive…and of course LOVE. Love is present at every level of my life, in my relationships, my family and my work. It’s so important to be surrounded with the right people! 

Tsitaliya: What would you say to your younger self?

Catherine: Not to be afraid of old age. It is a miracle and you don’t lose anything with time. It is building, time builds more happiness, more connection… I want to tell her and all young people that old age is not the end! Not the end of sex, not the end of feeling attractive, of achieving another dream, of learning something new, of enjoying life. 

When I was young I thought the changes in my body were humiliating, I was looking at the changing body and the face that looks unfinished and I was thinking that’s horrible. I was so ashamed. Today I think if I could survive being a teenager, I can definitely survive being an old woman.