We continue the conversation with Dessy Dimova, an author and writer for the Bulgarian online magazine The Girls From the City because it seems there is a lot to learn from her. But also because she is an utter inspiration with her amazingly calm and composed presence, her inner strength and determination to own and embody her feminine radiance, her trust in who she is and her feeling of responsibility to share her unique gifts with the people around her. Today we talk to Dessy about womanhood and career choices.
Tsitaliya: I understand that before you started writing and spending more time with your family and yourself, you used to work in a bank and at an advertising company? What made you quit and start writing and publishing?
Dessy: Everyone has their own hedonistic list of things that make him or her happy. Before I had my family and children I was quite comfortable in my business suits and the corporate world, but most of the things that I still remember were power games and some irrelevant fights among people. That part I didn’t like at all and this is what made me feel like that was not my world.
That’s why I started looking for a place of comfort where I could be me. It’s been nine years now since I am “corporate-free” and that’s the time when I have felt happiest in my life. The beginning was really hard, I was used to my phone ringing from morning to night which in some way makes you feel important, but after I left work the phone was silent. But you know this is a surviving skill, you learn a lot about yourself during periods like this and you find out who you really are. That is priceless.
“I always am interested and moved by people, the way they think, families, children, growing up and getting old“
Tsitaliya: What’s your Guilty Pleasure?
Dessy: Definitely chocolate…and jewelry.
Tsitaliya: What are the topics you like to explore in your writing?
Dessy: I always am interested and moved by people, the way they think, families, children, growing up and getting old. I have a specific style of writing and it is mostly sentimental, but that is because I can only write about things that have really touched me.
Tsitaliya: What kind of woman inspires you? Do you have a role model?
Dessy: My mother and my aunts are the women who inspire me. Their human side is my radar for what’s good and bad.
I always look for motivation within, but inspiration I can find in many women – it could be in a short phrase I hear them share or a big deed.
I admire Anita Roddick, the founder of Body Shop, who quoted Dalai Lama: “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito”.
Tsitaliya: Who do you trust the most especially in challenging situations?
Dessy: My husband with whom I have spent 23 years. He has never let me down in his love, support and belief in me. I know this is not something to take for granted.
Tsitaliya: What do you dream of now?
Dessy: I always dream of traveling, it is never enough for me, may be because I am so curious. I dream of one day making something really sustainable – something timelss, something more than just being popular, even if it has to be for a small group of people.
“I have found with time that simple things help a great deal – to go out for a walk, to have a glass of wine and spend time with a friend…these things work”
Tsitaliya: What are you proud of?
Dessy: I recently finished my second masters degree in General Psychology and what I feel most proud of is that at the age of 41 I made the effort to go back to those years of studying and taking exams. One of the topics that interest me the most is Ageism and the attitude societies have developed towards people and their activities while they are getting old. Getting old has turned into a stereotype and I am so proud I broke that stereotype about education and age.
Tsitaliya: How do you deal with your inner voice, especially when it gets critical and involves fears and self-doubt?
Dessy: I listen to my inner voice a lot. Sometimes it can be wrong, but from the perspective of time it looks like I made the right decision.
As for the criticism I am very stubborn and rebellious but altbough it may look like I don’t care about criticism, I do in fact listen and then think about it for a long time.
As for the doubts and the fears, they are at the bottomline of the mental disorders nowadays. But I have found with time that simple things help a great deal – to go out for a walk, to have a glass of wine and spend time with a friend…these things work. They open the narrow perspective of doubt, fear and loneliness.
On the other hand, doubts and fears have positive sides too – they keep us alert and away from too much unnecessary risk.
Tsitaliya: What was the last book you read?
Dessy: I have had a strong reading season this year. I just found Liane Moriarty´s books and read most of them; Higge, a heartwarming lesson from Denmark, and at the moment I am finishing Mrs. Fitzgerald. I look forward to my next book: Mrs. Hemingway.
Tsitaliya: Online or offline? Where do you spend more time?
Dessy: It depends. I try to keep everything in balance. A healthy balance is key when it comes to your fears, your doubts, work and family. The same is valid for your presence online or offline.
Tsitaliya: Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Dessy: I recently wrote a text about the two women who live inside of me. One is the woman who can do it all (as my daughter told to her schoolteacher lately) and the other one – who doesn’t want to do it all. This text was about feminism. I support feminism when it is about women’s rights in political, social and economical aspects equaling men’s rights. In that sense I support such equality between men and women, but at the same time I think that being a woman protected and cared for by a man is also wonderful.