There was a time when our mothers wanted to become superwomen, independent multitaskers in a constant pursuing of perfection at the roles they thought a woman is meant to fulfill. Never ever did they dare think of fulfilling their own desires and dreams. This was considered the least inappropriate and selfish. Today we all know perfect is boring, perfect is not real, perfect is not human. We know that neglecting our own desires and needs leads to imbalances, which trigger depression and anxiety.
Women have been given a unique gift to create, to adapt, to care and love unconditionally, to juggle many things at the same time. What we don’t understand is that a human being can’t just use these abilities without repairing or recharging from time to time, without nurturing for her own needs.
What our mothers used to teach us was to always put up a smile and look perfect no matter how tired or sad and lonely we felt. They told us that it is our mission and purpose to care for the others sacrifizing our own desires and talents, hiding our vulnerability.
What our mothers couldn’t see was that they were sacrifizing their children while serving an ideal that no one wants or loves. Putting so much effort into looking perfect only brought us guilt and further down the road a constant lack of confidence. This is unsustainable because it is working against our own nature. Women around the world felt they were not superwomen, but failures if they couldn’t make it in one on the things they were supposed to be perfect at.
This makes me ask the question does The Perfect Work/Life Balance exist? Is it real? I have been asking women in my films all the time how they achieve The Balance, but I know very well each one of us has these moments, which we never like to talk about. They exist, even though we never mention them, the moments when we just feel so overwhelmed, taxed and exhausted. In such moments when the scale starts to tip there’s a choice: stop and take a moment to rein it back or continue to push.
The thing is that balance means an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady, but it does not necessarily mean something that consistently stays in the middle. It is more like a pendalum and the more we push into one direction, the more extreme the swing to the other side will be.
I am also slowly dropping the idea of multitasking. Here’s why: When I spend time with my children and I think of work or cooking or what’s next to do in the house, I miss actually the time with my kids. Once it is over I don’t feel I have actually been with them, because I haven’t given my best during this time.
When I work, my guilt starts screwing me and I don’t actually use my full potential. What happens is I end up feeling unsatisfied and grumpy and instead of enjoying living my life, I end up complaining I live it. So no more checking my emails when I am with my kids. Simple as that.
My challenge to you today is: let’s take a closer look and ask ourselves “Are we trying to be good daughters, afraid of disapproval? Have we really grown up? How much are we affected by the image of the superwoman?” Shall we open that door and let other people see that we are:
- Not always able to manage everything
- Emotional and … yes imperfect…