by Tsitaliya Mircheva
The first time I heard about New Year’s resolutions was 20 years ago when I moved to Connecticut, USA. I have to admit I never took that thing too seriously. I am usually a disciplined person and I make resolutions all year long, staying committed and following through. In the past few years though I have been gaining more clarity and perspective into where I want to go, what I want to achieve and more importantly why I want all that. At the same time my life has become much busier with so many distractions that I decided to create something that can keep me on track when I feel lost or can’t make a decision. Here are a few questions and points that remind me what’s really important for me in the big picture.
1. Why am I doing this? Let’s face it;we live in a time when we have to make countless choices every day. From what label detergent to buy to what school activities we send our kids to or any other decision we have to make in terms of our businesses…I very well know the feeling of overwhelm when I need to make yet another choice. But sometimes I would catch myself spending too much time on things that are not that important or getting into a competition with others, when I realize it’s just old habit, because I don’t compete with people any more. I just try to feel good about every choice I make, in alignment with my values and my vision for the life I want for myself and my family. It really means asking myself more often: “Why do I do it?” Not what I buy, what I do or where I go, but why am I doing it? How does it add to my fulfillment and my personal happiness?!
2. This too shall pass. The best thing I have learned from motherhood thus far, is that everything is just a phase and that the only sure thing in life is change. Sometimes I tend to lose myself in a certain situation, or even a mood, and as illogical as it may seem, I, for that moment, believe this is how the rest of my life will be. Then my rational brain intervenes. I see how I evolve and everything around me does too. I am starting to learn that miracles are possible and most of them happen because we shift our mind and our perspective on life. I’ve learned to just get on with things and as Wayne Dyre says: If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change too.
3. Did I have enough sleep? I’ve been reading for some time now about the importance of sleep and how the lack of it affects your stress levels, memory and problem solving skills. Plus you end up being more emotional and simply tired. So when I am not feeling quite into my power I ask myself whether I slept enough and how I can improve my sleep in order to become more efficient.
4. Am I breathing properly? This might sound like a stupid question, but I recently read that ever since we are born we learn improper breathing habits. For most of us, breathing is nothing more than an automatic function that keeps us alive, a steady flow that brings in vital oxygen and expels carbon dioxide. But unlike heartbeat or digestion, breath is a bodily function we can consciously control. If you’ve ever taken a deep breath to keep a panic attack at bay, then you already know the wonders breathing can have on your wellbeing. Not only will paying regular attention to your breath give you a good reading on your mental and emotional state, you’ll also tap into an easy and effective way to manage stress and anxiety.
5. What’s my mindset: scarcity vs abundance? Lately I’ve become a lot more aware of my own habits of thinking and I monitor the process of every decision I make, asking myself: am I making this decision based on fear or trust? Scarcity thinking is, as I’ve realized, sabotaging me from moving forward. It is the kind of thinking that tells me I am not ready or I don’t have enough time, money, love or trust to do what I want, so I end up not taking any action. This kind of thinking is based on fear and produces a feeling of anxiety, worry, stress, constriction and tightness in the chest. You can recognise thoughts that are scarcity based by the way you feel … we all have felt that feeling at some point.
6. Do I give a f*ck? I know now why mothers don’t have a very sexy image…we worry. We worry too much about almost everything, to the point where we are not cool any more. So choosing to worry only about really important stuff is number one for me at the moment. I ask myself whether I can actually do something about it or not? It’s also about trusting the Universe and letting go of control a little. I know that’s not an easy one, but worrying is actually a habit you can reverse through some exercises.
7. Am I surrounding myself with the right people? As a mother, as a woman in business and entrepreneur it’s super important to pay attention to how you feel around certain people and to cultivate your perfect girl squad. These are the women who just get you, they are always on your side no matter what, women who creatively inspire you and raise the bar on your thinking, who are genuinely excited for your success and around whom you feel the fullest expression of yourself. I know it’s not easy to find such people, especially if you’ve traveled for some time changing homes, plus today we are so busy with family, kids and work that cultivating such a tribe can easily become just another chore. But when I think of how much support I receive especially in moments of doubt and uncertainty, I’ve committed in the last few months to really make time for my friends, to meet them and not talk about work, to have fun, to go to a museum together, to go shopping or just a walk. This is one of the things that can truly nurture my spirit and motivation.
Finally I need to remind myself that nobody is made to be liked by everyone and there will always be people who don’t agree with my taste or with what I say, but that’s ok. That’s life and accepting who I am is more important than being liked by everyone and doing things vanilla.