I don’t Know How She Does It

By |Published On: April 20th, 2016|

by Anna Streule

I can’t have been the only person asking the “what does she do all day?” question to the stay-at-home mum. Then I had my own children. Now I know. Emerging from the haze that is the early years, which for many means returning to work whilst still being a mum, the question has changed to “How does she do it?”

I have two small boys who have little to no interest in eating breakfast, getting dressed or leaving the house at a specific time. I on the other hand hate being late. That doesn’t make for a great combination. I do, however, have the luxury of not having to look particularly presentable on a daily basis. I don´t have to go to an office full of proper grown-ups who clearly (?) do not have children. So for those of you who do have to go to work, who do have to put a brush to your hair several times a week, have meaningful conversations, make important business decisions, whilst being the one who needs to kiss boo-boos away, read “The Dinosaur who pooped a Planet” for the millionth time (great book by the way), snuggle to sleep, get up in the night to check for monsters under the bed… my questions is: How do you do it?

As I clearly don´t have the answer, I asked a few of my friends who have mastered this art. Or have they?…

A few things emerged as pretty crucial to a successful start to a morning in a “working household” – preparation and routine. Set the breakfast table the night before, get up and get yourself ready before the kids and under no circumstance change the breakfast menu on a Monday morning.

You also need to build in a little bit of contingency time for those (un)foreseen moments when you are just about to leave the house and child A realises she absolutely needs that one cuddly toy she hasn´t actually played with in forever, but you know, needs must.

Some form of flexibility will also be helpful, as we all know that children are not known to arrive with a sickness timetable. If not your employer, then maybe your husband´s? If not the employer then maybe the childcare? Someone needs to be flexible or frustration will run high. A lot.

However, even if you have all of these elements down to a fine art, you will, as a mum, always, always, feel guilty.

Arianna Huffington about working mothers and sens eof guilt

There’s one more thing that I discovered in the line of this research, ie reading the answers from my friends. Almost every email started with an apology, either for not responding quickly enough (they are working mothers after all), or simply saying they are no experts on parenting, which of course is simply not true. This brought me to thinking:

  1. Would a dad have made similar apologetic statements (I highly doubt it)
  2. Why on earth are women so hard on themselves?
Blackbird working mum, balanced living

Answers on a postcard please. (Or simply wait for a future issue of Mums in Heels, where we will in fact be dealing with this issue).

So, in summary: In order to survive as a “working” mother, preparation and routine are key. Flexibility and support from the partner is helpful, and finally friends. Friends are essential if you want to survive motherhood with as little trauma as possible to your own soul and spirit.

Now can you please turn down the volume of that guilty conscience of yours?!

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About the Author: Tsitaliya Mircheva

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Tsitaliya is a writer and fashion journalist for more than 20 years. She founded Mums in Heels 10 years ago and keeps growing and evolving together with her community or fashionable mums and responsible consumers. Fashion and Wellness are her most favourite topics to write about.